Being Mortal by Atul Gawande *****

Everything I’ve heard about nursing homes was evidently just a smokescreen for the real issue. People faced with care facilities are really concerned about autonomy and dignity, not safety and longevity. This book should be required reading for anyone involved with end-of-life care.

The author made his case with individual stories, so I’ll tell you about my mother. When she was diagnosed with bladder cancer, she decided she did not want an ostomy bag and did not want to be institutionalized. She lived her life on her terms and died in her own bed surrounded by her family. For years, we wondered why she refused life-saving surgery. We wondered why an otherwise intelligent woman would turn her back on modern science. After reading this book, I understand.

A few salient quotes from Being Mortal:

“Your chances of avoiding the nursing home are directly related to the number of children you have, and, according to what little research has been done, having at least one daughter seems to be crucial to the amount of help you will receive.” 

“People with serious illness have priorities besides simply prolonging their lives. Surveys find that their top concerns include avoiding suffering, strengthening relationships with family and friends, being mentally aware, not being a burden on others, and achieving a sense that their life is complete.”

“…our most cruel failure in how we treat the sick and the aged is the failure to recognize that they have priorities beyond merely being safe and living longer.”

The author presents the disconnect between the caregiving family and the end-of-life person. The family is struggling with the overwhelming task of caring for their aging relative, the need to get help, and the guilt of being inadequate to the task. Care homes market to these people emphasizing the level of medical care and safety provided. An excellent home soothes the family.

Unfortunately, the exact features that the care home sells to the family are the things that the person at the end of their life wants to avoid. A dying person wants autonomy and dignity. That is why my mother avoided medical care. In the end, she died, as she lived, in control of her destiny.

If you are immortal, you can ignore this book, otherwise, read it now and again later, but not too late.

“As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.”

Check out https://amazon.com/shop/influencer-20171115075 for book recommendations.